I Gave Up Negotiating

Let me ask you a question, what are you willing to give up to keep your confidence?

I’ve learned that in order to gain, you sometimes have to give up something. Well for me that something was negotiating. I stopped negotiating my happiness, peace and confidence for the happiness, peace and confidence of others. I did that by establishing non negotiables in my life. For me that was a game changer in rebuilding my confidence.

You see I had to know what I wanted for my life in order to know what I didn’t want and wasn’t willing to accept. Knowing what you won’t accept is key to establishing non negotiables. So what is it that you will no longer accept to gain or rebuild your confidence?

For me when I first started the non negotiable process I wasn’t really truthful with myself because I was low key still trying to please everyone else. One day I was fed up with apologizing for my likes and dislikes and I made a decision to be the authentic me. That didn’t mean being rude or making excuses for any traits that needed to be worked on, but it meant to be unapologetic about who I truly am. No longer living life on the terms of others and who I was expected to be, just simply being who I am created to be.

I have learned that in order to get something different you have to do something different, which isn’t always as easy as it sounds. It will take hard work and commitment to maintain the change, but in the end what you gave up will more than likely be well worth what you gain. As long as you are holding on to what is, it’s hard to move forward to what can be. For that reason I am no longer a negotiator when it comes to my non negotiables. My peace, confidence and energy are off limits to negotiations. They are just too important to leave them up for grabs by negotiating for them. So what will you give up to keep your confidence? Share it with us in the comments.

You have it in you to give up what’s necessary to keep and maintain your confidence. As always remember You Are A Worthy Woman!

I Broke The Tradition

On the journey to becoming a more confident woman, sometimes we have to let go of the traditions from our past.

I learned this many years ago when I was married. It’s always been a tradition to have large meals and invite everyone over for the holiday. Well this particular time it was my turn to carry on the tradition. I had to, right, because that’s what everyone has always done, or did I? Well I followed along with the tradition, but it didn’t turn out quite like I had hoped. You see I had never made a turkey before and this was my chance to show everyone what I was made of. Well needless to say, if I remember correctly we had baked chicken wings that thanksgiving because the turkey never got done. I was trying so hard  to keep the tradition of my family that I was a total wreck and didn’t really enjoy the day at all.

Many times in life we proceed with the traditions of who ever it may be and in the process have our confidence zapped because it doesn’t turn out the way we planned and definitely not the way it’s traditionally done, but so what. It’s at a moment like that when I decided to break the tradition for the sake of my peace and confidence and do what was best for me and my household. I started cooking a regular dinner for holidays and if I did invite people over I only cooked what I knew how to cook well, not according to the holiday or family traditions.

Being or becoming a confident woman we have to know what works for us and have the courage to make adjustments to the things that aren’t working in our lives. Confidence that even if momma and grandma did it, doesn’t mean you have to follow along if it doesn’t work well for you. I heard this story about a lady who always cut the ends off of her ham before cooking it, and her husband asked why she did that. She told him she did it because that’s what her mother did. She asked her mom why she cut the ends off the ham and her mom told her because that’s what her mom did. Her mom was curious so she asked her mom why she cut the ends off of the ham. Her mom told her she cut the ends off the ham because her pot was too small.

When I first heard that story it really got me to thinking. Just because our parents and grandparents have done something, really doesn’t mean it’s right for us to do. Especially when we think we’re doing something out of tradition, when really it may not be a tradition at all. So ladies please spare yourself the stress of trying to keep family traditions especially when it costs you peace and lowers your confidence. With Christmas fast approaching I challenge you to evaluate the things that you do in your life out of tradition that really doesn’t work for you and costs you your peace and confidence and create your own traditions. Traditions that work for you. As always remember you are a Worthy Woman.

You’re Stronger Than You Think

I remember when I first became a single mom. I had no idea how I would handle parenting on my own. After the initial shock, I didn’t think about it much I just did it, by taking just one step at a time. That’s not to say some of the things I had to do weren’t difficult, because they were, but they had to be done.

In life we face many difficult challenges that sometimes seems impossible to get through, but let me encourage you. Whatever you may be facing today, you have what it takes to overcome this challenge. Whether the challenge is big or small, you possess the strength to make it through. You see, when challenges come in life sometimes our first reaction is “I can’t do this” or “how am I going to make it through this”?

Being a woman of faith I’ve learned that I don’t have to face challenges alone and neither do you. You see with God on your side there isn’t anything you can’t do. Sure in beginning the challenge may be tough and you may doubt your strength, but let me tell you, you are stronger than you think! As women(at least some of the women I know) we down play ourselves way too much. You see when God created you, He put within you everything you need to get through the challenges you face in life. Whether the challenge is being a single parent, a failing marriage, your finances, health or even rocky family relationships, you can overcome the challenge. There is a quote that reminds me of this, it says, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”. Think about it like that, being strong is the only choice you have at the moment. Losing and quitting is not an option, besides you are stronger than the struggle anyway. So stand up and stare that challenge in the face and declare “I am strong and I will get through this”!!

I believe in you and as always remember you are a Worthy Woman.

The Storms of Life

There are many times in life when storms come into our lives to keep us from getting to a specific destination. It’s at those times that we must keep pressing toward what it is we’ve set out to accomplish. Once we reach that destination we will be glad we stayed determined to win the fight. This week I wanted to share with you a guest post that I wrote for Blogs by Christian Women where I go in depth regarding the storms of life. The article is titled:

WHAT IS THE STORM TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM?

I think it’s safe to say that we have all been through a storm or two in our lives. Storms that tried to break us and steal our faith. Over the last year or so I have been getting a recurrence of hearing different people talking about the storm that…… click here to read the article 

Take Care of Yourself Like You’d Take Care of Them

On a scale of 1-10 how well do you take care of those you love? Ok, well let me ask you this, On a scale from 1-10 how well do you take care of yourself?

When it comes to taking care of those we love we go to great lengths to do our best at it. Making sure they have everything they need, taking time with them, making sure they take as proper care of themselves as they can and so on. That’s awesome that we are able to do that for them but do you do that for yourself? As women we pour so much into the lives of others that many times we neglect to pour into ourselves.

For the past few months I have seen a recurring theme around the communities I am involved in and that theme in a nutshell is giving from the overflow. We first have to be filled before we can give of ourselves to others. To operate or give to others when you are on empty is extremely draining, yet so many of us are constantly operating this way. Let’s look at the age old example of the instructions given to passengers preparing to take a flight. The instruction is if the plane malfunctions and is possibly going to crash, you are to first put on your oxygen mask and then go help others. You see you can’t help someone else if you aren’t first breathing. The same goes for taking care of others. To be able to continuously take care of others properly you must first take care of you.

Taking care of you by getting the proper rest, having some quiet time alone to do what you enjoy, eating properly not just whatever you can whenever you remember. When I say this I am totaling speaking to myself as well. As a single mom I am guilty of this more often than I’d like to be, but I am working on my commitment to make a change in this area. When my son has an appointment or needs something I am Johnny on the spot to make sure he is there or that I am getting what he needs. When it’s an appointment for me or I need something I’m not so quick to do the same, but I know that in order to continue to take care of him properly I have to do exactly what I am telling you all to do. So I commit to being intentional on taking care of myself better and making me a priority and giving from the overflow. This includes taking quiet time for myself, doing some form of self care daily, and simply pouring into me with as much effort as I do into others.

For some reason as I finished that sentence, I thought about those who think this may be selfish, but actually not taking care of you is selfish. Because as I stated before when we don’t take care of ourselves we become depleted and worn out and it’s so difficult to give someone your very best, if you aren’t at your best. So the next time you think you are being selfish because you are doing something for you, don’t. Remind yourself that you are doing this to be unselfish. I know it will take some getting used to but it will be worth the change when we see in ourselves and perhaps our health positive progress. Just making small changes makes all the difference. Let me know all the success you have with giving from the overflow, I’ll be excited to hear from you.
As always remember, You are a Worthy Woman!

There’s Enough Room For Us All

When you’re in the grocery store and you’re walking down the bread aisle or even the pop isle isn’t it great to know you have options? I mean there are well over 50 brands of bread and as for soft drinks the list seems endless. Just as every brand of bread or pop doesn’t fit the preferences of each person the same goes for whatever gift you have or business you are running. Are you gifted or talented at something but the fact that someone else is doing the same thing make you hesitant to do what it is that you love?

I look at it like this, what if we only had one cell phone company to choose from or better yet one type of residence to live in no matter the size or desires of your family. That would make everyone’s life a bit cookie cutter. We have a buffet if you will of choices when it comes to living preferences and cell phone companies. There is different strokes for different folks, so why is it any difference in you using your gift. Let’s not keep the comparison trap from holding us back from using our gifts. There are millions of people on the planet and when God made one writer, speaker or seamstress he didn’t stop at just one. He made multiple to fit the different needs of the different consumers. The way you write, speak or sew, may be totally different than the way someone else in your field does it, and that’s ok. Don’t let that hinder you from moving, you keep using your gift and use it to the best of your ability, just the way you do it. I mean of course you should always be practicing your craft to get better at it, but keep your own style don’t try to be a duplicate of someone else and their business.

There is always room to get advice from others in your field and maybe even collaborate at times, but don’t for one minute think that you can’t move forward because someone else is in the same field that you are in. Just as a woman would like to have choices when it comes to the type of guy she chooses to spend the rest of her life with, the millions of consumers in the world likes options too. There is and will always be enough room for us all no matter what your field is. The next time you get a bit discouraged about making moves because there are many people in your field, take a look down the toilet paper, bread or soft drink aisle, and the plenty of choices you have to choose from and say to yourself “There is room for me”! As always remember You Are a Worthy Woman!

The Importance Of A Rest Day

Have you ever had those weeks where you are so busy that you can barely hear yourself think? I know I have more of those weeks than I care to admit. Then there are times when I seem to have clusters of those types of weeks at one time. Days where it seems that no rest is in sight. Though those types of weeks are ok periodically, if it’s out of the norm not to have them then it’s probably time to adjust some things. I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t take rest, your body will take one for you. When I say that I know it sounds cliché, but really your body will take it’s own rest if you don’t take rest on your own. Trust me I know.

This is really something that I am working on incorporating into my life, and if you don’t currently get rest often, I suggest you do the same. As women we need to really make self-care a priority. Resting is definitely a good form of self-care in my opinion. Not only resting our bodies but resting our minds. It’s so refreshing, and it’s like hitting the reset button. Take some time to just relax, watch a movie, go for a walk long walk and just enjoy the scenery. If none of those things are relaxing or restful to you, take your pick on what is relaxing and restful to you. Is it having a sit down dinner with your family, taking a long hot bubble bath or maybe even curling up with a journal and writing to your heart’s content. Whatever it is that relaxes you, do that and hit your own reset button.

So how does one begin to break the habit of extreme busyness? Well if you’re a busy body like me, this could be a hard task. I came up with a few different ideas that may help you and I, get into the new habit of taking some time to rest. The first idea is to choose a day of the week that works for you where you can clear your calendar and take some well deserved you time or family time(but if you take family time be sure the also get some you time as well). This doesn’t have to be a day where you do absolutely nothing, but my goal is to reserve the day to do what relaxes me. If it  feels like work, then my relax day is not the day that I’ll be doing it. When you are so used to being busy this may take some getting use to, but just do it anyway. The more relaxed and refreshed you feel after each time you do it, should you make want to keep this high on your priority list or even make it a non negotiable in your life.

If you aren’t able to take a full day to rest take then take a few hours. Block out some time and schedule this as an appointment on your calendar. Don’t schedule anything else during this time. Treat this appointment with yourself, as you would an important doctor’s appointment or a business meeting at work. Just as you would do everything you could not to cancel or reschedule those type of appointments, do the same with your rest appointment. Make it a priority!

For those who aren’t able to take a few hours because of your caregiver duties or whatever the case may be. I suggest that you take a minimum of 30 minutes everyday just for you. Some time to clear your mind and relax and do something that’s just for you. Since you are only able to take a little time each day, I really recommend that this time be non negotiable on your calendar. Making it non negotiable will allow you to make sure it’s done daily and gives you some sort of rejuvenation.

Taking time for ourselves is not selfish at all, I actually think taking me time is a selfless act. It not only allows you to reset, it’s also beneficial for those you care for or interact with often. I find that when we don’t get any kind of time for ourselves it can make us irritable and it is definitely draining. So even if a full day of rest isn’t possible take some time each day just for you, to get some rest. It’s not just for you but for those you love as well. As always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

4 Ways Comparison Kills Confidence

With all the social media platforms that we have today, it can be hard to resist the desire to compare. But when I tell you comparison kills confidence please believe me. Just think about it, you’re scrolling through the social media of your choice and see a picture of someone seemingly happy or successful doing something you want to be doing or succeeding in. Then the thoughts begin to run through your mind of how you aren’t where they are or you wish you had ________________. Though it’s an easy trap to fall into it’s not worth the trouble. I would like to shed some light on 4 ways that comparison kills confidence. The four ways are:

1. Feeling of ungratefulness– When we compare we can easily become ungrateful for the things we do have. That’s the problem with looking at what others have and comparing it to what you have or don’t. Sometimes even if we have it good when we compare, we get the illusion that more is necessary to be grateful. If we aren’t grateful for what we have, how can we expect more. This made me think of a quote I recite often when I find myself complaining and ungrateful. The quote says “Complain and remain or praise and be raised”-Joyce Meyer.

2. Causes self doubt– When comparing ourselves to others it can cause self doubt. Doubting whether we’ll ever be good enough, smart enough or even pretty enough to be, do or have what those we are comparing ourselves to has. I’m here to tell you, yes you are enough! Many times it causes us to doubt the gifts and talents that were placed on the inside of us as well, because they haven’t gotten us where we want to be so far. I wonder how more patience, effort and hard work in cultivating our gifts, businesses or relationships would have a positive impact on this area in our lives.

3. Steals your joy– Comparison definitely can steal your joy. I mean how can you be joyful when you aren’t grateful. In my opinion a grateful heart is a joyful heart and when we sense ourselves losing our joy we should first check our gratitude levels.

4. Feelings of unworthiness– Though we should not be defined by what we do or have. Many times comparison causes feelings of unworthiness and sometimes shame. Feeling unworthy because of not being further along in life or even because of life’s setbacks, such as divorce or job loss. Those can be difficult places to be in, especially when you know people who seemingly have it all together. Comparing in my opinion only magnifies these feelings. I know when I first became a single mom I felt some shame, I think because life wasn’t going as I had planned. Also because I was comparing myself to other moms I knew whose marriages were great, but I realized that all that comparing wasn’t productive. So the task to not compare is still difficult at times but I know it’s worth it not to.

Whether comparison has or is causing you feelings of ungratefulness, self doubt, steals your joy or causes feelings of unworthiness or shame it just isn’t worth it. If we take a good look at how many posts on social media aren’t always showing an accurate view of people’s lives anyway,it would be much easier not to fall into the trap of comparison. We were all brought into this earth with all we’ll ever need on the inside of us. No matter where we are in life now or what setbacks we’ve had, we can dust ourselves off, appreciate what we do have and get back on the journey to succeed. I would suggest writing down your goals and what it is that you want, so that you can begin to focus on what it is that you really want instead of what others have. In my opinion when you are going after what you truly desire for your life and get focused on that, it will be so much less difficult to get out of and stay out of the comparison trap. You have what it takes to live your best life and create what success looks like for you. As always remember you are a Worthy Woman.

 

It’s Time To Use Your Gifts!

How would you feel if you gave your children, niece or nephew a gift to give someone and instead of giving the gift as you told them to, they kept it for themselves? I know if my son did that I would make sure that he would give the gift as I had instructed him to. Well sometimes that’s how it is with us. God has given us gifts and talents to be shared with the world but for whatever reason, whether lack of confidence, not wanting that to be your gift or just lack of ambition, we are still holding on to the gifts for ourselves.

The word gift itself implies that it is to be given away, but sometimes that can seem like such a hard thing to do, so we think. When we think of it in a different perspective I think it would change the way we look at it. The gift you have is unique to you, in that only you can use and administer your gift the way you do. If you’re a speaker there is no one on this earth that can speak like you, or maybe you are a writer but there is still no one on this earth that writes exactly like you. With that being said there are people out there waiting on you to bless them with your gift the way only you can, because receiving the gift from someone else just won’t have the same effect on their life as yours will. There are certain people on this earth that God assigned us to before we were ever born, but if we aren’t using our gifts how can we ever be led to those people?

Walking in the gifts that we have been given will bless more people than we will ever know, and it’s vital. I have seen this first hand this past week as the Breathe University family lost a dear brother and mentor, Chris Daniel. Chris was absolutely walking in his gift and he touched everyone within the Breathe University family and beyond, in some way with his 4 Animals assessment or just by genuinely walking in what God called him to do. To lose him has been so sad but to see that impact that he has had on the world in just 40 years is so amazing and motivating. He left a legacy and gave gifts to the world that will never be forgotten.

So let me ask you, what’s your gift and are you sharing it with the world?

If the answer to that question is no, and you aren’t using your gifts and sharing them with the world. Let me challenge you to begin to do so today. There are people waiting on you! As always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

You Need A Bucket List

As time passes, how can you remember what you want out of life if you never write it down?

As a blogger I am a big fan of writing things down. I love writing, but that isn’t the only reason I write it down. I also write things down because when you write things down they’re more apt to happen. I read this great book a while ago that went into great depths about the importance of writing things down. So in this post I want to tell you about a bucket list and how you can create yours.

So what is a bucket list? It’s a list of things you write down that you want to be, do or have in life. I have written numerous bucket lists, but it’s interesting that even when I make a new list some of the things that I wrote on the last one I still remember writing. It’s like when I write it down it gets etched into my memory in a sense. It’s something about putting that pen to paper that just causes the acceleration of your goals. There are a couple of ways that I have created bucket lists for myself. The first is super simple. I just grab a spiral notebook or a composition book and number a few pages until I get to 100. I don’t know why but my goal is always to write 100 things on my list. You can write as many or as little of a list you would like, but I encourage you to at least try to write down 50 things. I mean it’s your bucket list, a list of everything you have a desire to be, do or have sometime in your life based on the person you are today.

The second way I create bucket lists is in categories. I do it this way so that I can be sure that I am covering all bases. I want to dream in all areas of my life and this way helps me to accomplish that. The categories that I usually use are:

  • Health & Fitness
  • Financial
  • Family
  • Travel/Leisure
  • Social
  • Career

If there are more categories that you would like to add in your bucket list be my guest. I want you to dream to your heart’s content. For this method of creating a bucket list, I use the same kind of notebooks(spiral or composition). Instead of just writing anything down that I want, I write the category on the top of each page and I use the front a back to write down all of my dreams and goals by categories. When doing this task don’t hold back and don’t limit yourself to only things that you think are possible. A great way to think limitless in this exercise is to ask yourself “If money was not an object and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do, be and have in life”?

Take some time this week to sit down and dream, and write a bucket list of your own. You will be amazed at how writing those dreams and goals begin to set things in motion to be manifest in your life. Of course there will be some work involved but it will be well worth it. I will end the post with a quote that I feel fits this topic perfectly. “Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; cant’s into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it-ink it!” -Michael Korda

As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman.