Who Are You?

On the journey to becoming a confident woman one thing I’ve learned is that knowing who you are is important. If you don’t know who you are it’s hard to know where you’re going. Sometimes as women we can get so caught up in doing and being for everyone else we never really get to do for or know ourselves. When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to become who others expect you to be. Being who others expect you to be may last for a while, but eventually being who you were created to be becomes vital. The need to conform to others expectations is not so important, because being who you were called to be is far better.

Taking time to learn about your likes and dislikes, your personality type and just what you want out of life is vital in building confidence. This exercise isn’t a project to be completed in a weekend but rather it’s a journey. There are many questions to explore and desires to be discovered but what you find can be absolutely life giving. It’s so refreshing to take the journey of knowing who you are. It’s a time to try new things, explore curiosity and just have fun getting to know yourself. Last year I attended a conference with some friends and afterward we went out for dinner, and it wasn’t a restaurant I was used to eating at and the food was beyond what I was used to eating. So a friend suggested that I should try something new. I’ll have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I thought to myself how can I continue to learn my likes and dislikes if I don’t try new things. So I took the plunge, I tried frog legs! Yes, frog legs! They weren’t bad either, so that day I learned what frog legs tastes like and that I actually like them. I never would have known that had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, and tried something new. Over the past few years I have learned so many things about myself and it’s been exciting!

In discovering who you are, I have found another good way to learn this is by revisiting what you liked and disliked as a child. You know the child before life began to happen and you had no understanding that others had expectations of you. Ask yourself questions like:

Continue reading Who Are You?

The Power of a Promise

 

Have you ever made a promise to yourself but for whatever reason you didn’t keep it?

If so, don’t feel too bad you aren’t alone. I know that’s something that I am working on getting stronger at. This is an idea that if grasped and put into practice could really change your life. You see we make and go out of our way to keep promises for others but when it comes to keeping them for ourselves we don’t put in the same effort.

Think about it like this. When you were a kid or even now and someone promises you they are going to do something, and they always come up with an excuse as to why they aren’t able to keep their promise. After so many times of them breaking their promises you stop believing them. Well that’s kind of what we do to ourselves every time we make a promise to ourselves and don’t keep it.

It’s like this thing my son is always talking about in basketball called muscle memory. Which is essentially doing the same repetition over and over until you can do it by memory or it’s second nature. So every time we give an excuse and break a promise to ourselves we are in training. We are training our minds that excuses are ok. Don’t get me wrong I know we don’t intentionally break promises.  It’s because we don’t have time, are exhausted, over committed or just simply don’t feel like doing it. Just think of what would happen if you made your promises and kept them. How much would you accomplish and where would your life be. Would you have lost that weight, would you be debt free, would your business be up and running? What is it that your excuses and promise breaking have been keeping you from?

I know for me I would be so much farther along had I kept the promises I made to myself, but let’s not focus on the past and what we didn’t do. Let’s focus on the future and where we’re going to, and make a commitment to keep the promises we make going forward. The way we do that is by:

1. Making realistic promises– No I don’t mean making promises out of fear either, you know the ones you make because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you give your all, or those driven by those negative what if statements. I mean making heartfelt promises that are going to get you to being your best self.

2. Being committed to the promise– Be committed that you are going to keep the promise by all means. So that means being too tired, over committed or not feeling like it is out of the question. The way that I am learning to get over this is by doing the thing I promised first, if possible. If it’s a promise that requires a throughout the day commitment, maybe getting an accountability partner would be helpful. The way to tackle over commitment is to simply learn how to say no, or start using a calendar. For those who have a real problem saying no using that calendar will hopefully be an easier way to say no, because you can’t give something you don’t have. If your calendar is too full or the appointment time is already taken you just won’t be able to do it. As for not feeling like it, you’ll just have to get over it and do it anyway. Your feelings have nothing to do with this. Your feelings won’t get you to your goal but your consistent actions will.

3. Knowing the outcome of the promise– Knowing that keeping our promises are going to get us to an expected outcome in our lives is a great motivation. It’s the reward at the end of the journey, and on the days when it gets hard and you don’t see the end in sight. Remember why you started and keep going. Keeping the outcome before you as a reminder is also a good source of motivation. Keeping the promise may not be easy but it will be worth it. Not only will you gain your reward you gain the building of your integrity by learning to keep your word to yourself, and in my opinion that’s a reward in itself.

So what promise will you commit to making and keeping? You have it in you to succeed. Always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

 

What If…

 

What if, is a question that sometimes haunts our lives and keeps us from making progress, sometimes for years. You may have a dream or goal that you want to achieve but the paralysis of analysis or this famous phrase “what if” comes up . You think to yourself I want to go after this dream, I have what it takes to succeed, I can help so many people. Then the negative thoughts begin to set in and you question everything you just said. What if I don’t succeed at reaching my dream, what if no one is helped by my product or services, what if , what if, what if….

Let me ask you this, what if you do reach your dream? What if you do succeed, what if you have so many customers that you need to hire a staff? What if you are successful beyond your wildest dreams? What if….those are some awesome what if’s, aren’t they?. Those are the kind of what if’s that make you doubt those negative what if’s. You see, your will to succeed has to be stronger than the comfort of staying the same. Trust me I know that it’s easier said than done and when you have focused so much on what could go wrong it’s difficult to make the shift to what could go right. This has to be done with great intention and determination, because for some reason when you make a declaration that you are going after a goal or dream it seems that opposition comes to see how bad you want it and tries to get you to revert back to normal(the you that only thought about your dream but never pursued it.)

When the opposition comes, and it will don’t shrink back confront it head on and show it who you are. That fearless, determined and successful person you are. Go harder after your dream at this point, make that opposition and that negative what if your motivation to succeed. I find that talking to the chatter of the negative what if helps to bring me back to the positive what if. Affirmations can be powerful and life changing as our words have power. So the next time those negative what if’s come to give you a run for your money speak to them. Here are a few examples to get you started:

  • I have what it takes to succeed.
  • I am worthy of my dreams and goals
  • I deserve the best and I attract the best
  • I do what is necessary to succeed not what makes me comfortable
  • I help many people in the world by succeeding at my dreams

Keep these affirmations handy or create some of your own, but don’t allow the negative what if’s to overtake the positive what ifs. You have what it takes to succeed. Remember you are a Worthy Woman.

Not Just A

Years ago when my son was small I would go places and meet new people, and they would ask me “what do you do”? My famous answer was “I’m just a mom”. I guess I would give that answer because I didn’t feel that being only a mom was much. Of course after many years of being a mom my perspective has changed. I would hear other people say “I’m just a mom” and see by their tone & facial expression that some of them thought how I used to think. It’s funny how when you see someone else doing something you do or have done, you gain a new perspective. Now I know being a mom is one of the most important roles I will ever have, but it was a learning process. After learning the importance of this role I haven’t used those words in years, but I was in the store the other day and I heard a lady say a “I’m just a” statement and it sparked something in me.

She actually said “I’m just a weirdo” and I told her no you’re not a weirdo, you’re just being helpful. I saw the look on her face and could almost feel her shame or her agreeing with what others have said about or to her. Which brings me to my point. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, an attorney or even a sanitation worker the words “I’m just a” should not be in your vocabulary. Whatever it is that you do is important and so are you. You are not defined by your title, you have a place in this world and you matter. So the next time you use the word “I’m just a” correct yourself and say “I’m a”. When you use the phrase “I’m just a” it really down plays what proceeds those words. It makes it seems as though what you are isn’t important and that is far from the truth. Every title or position has a place of importance in the world to make it function. Just think what the world would be like if we didn’t have moms, workers in the restaurant or retail industry or even those who work in sanitation. The world would be unorganized, unruly, hungry and probably smelly.

I’m extremely thankful that we do all have our unique gifts, talents and purpose to contribute to the world to make it go round. Whatever it is that you are or do, do it with confidence, hold your head high and be proud of your contribution. For those who don’t appreciate or talk down on your contribution don’t allow their opinion to become your truth. Shake off their comments like water off the back of a duck and keep it moving. Don’t dwell on it or give it much thought or any thought for that matter. You are a success going somewhere to succeed, and if necessary look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of this everyday. It’s an exercise that can change your life because your words matter. As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman!

Perfection Not Required

“Don’t allow perfect to get in the way of done”-Glen Twiddle.

How many times have you started working on a project or getting dressed for an event that you set out for perfection?

Well for an introverted planning to do list having a girl like me, the answer is always. I mean who wants to do a task and it not be perfect and no woman definitely wants to leave the house for an event & she’s not dressed to perfection in her eyes. Well how many times has that perfection gotten in the way of doing the project at all? Dare I ask how many events you missed because perfection in your hair, clothes or makeup wasn’t possible? I mean what the point of perfection anyway. The way I look at it, if you’re always perfect it doesn’t leave much room for growth, not to mention the stress that’s caused by trying to make everything perfect.

Actually sometimes trying to create perfection causes procrastination. You know that paralysis of analysis. Trying so hard to make it perfect that nothing actually gets done. If anyone can relate to this I can, but I’m learning that as long as it’s the best that I can do, it’s ok. The more you practice a thing it gets better anyway. Mastery will come but in the meantime let’s focus on doing whatever it is you do the best you can do it. Not going after perfection but doing your best. I know you have it in you, because you are a worthy woman.

The Definition of a Worthy Woman

Several years ago when I first started this blog I was so gungho to make a difference in the lives of women around the world or at minimum in my state. Then I got this feeling of who am I to teach women about worth what do I know, so my blog post became more intermittent and then came to a screeching halt.

I let the thoughts of who wants to listen to me drown out the fact that someone needed what I had to offer. I had to regroup and remind myself that of what worthy is and I’d like to share it with you.

First let me say that worthy is not perfect. To be considered worthy you don’t have to know it all or have everything about you and your life figured out. Worth is not defined by marital status, financial status, educational status or even parental status. The definition of worthy according to the Webster dictionary is:

1 a : having worth or value :

2 : having sufficient worth or importance

Your worth is not defined by what others think or feel about you, but you are worthy simply because God made you. When he created you in your mother’s womb you were worthy. I mean think about it, God chose you to be fertilized and develop to be able to enter into this world. He created you for a plan and a purpose and no matter what you have been through and how you may feel, you are worthy.

You are worthy because you were bought with a price that is priceless. You are worthy because you are a daughter of a king. As I said a little earlier in the post you are worthy simply because God made you. So the next time when you feel inadequate or don’t feel you have sufficient worth remember you were chosen by God himself. Even in the times you feel unchosen by others God still chooses you, loves you and most importantly places great value upon you.

There may be times that no matter how often someone else says you’re worthy, you still don’t think you are. Let me challenge you by giving you an exercise to do daily that will transform those thoughts. I want you to stand up tall, look at yourself in the mirror and say with confidence and like you mean it:
I’m worthy because He made me. I’m chosen, I’m loved and I am a woman of great value. Like I said I’m worthy because He made me.

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

The Number One Way to Conquer Fear

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
-Dale Carnegie

It’s hard to believe we are in the second half of the year already. A little less than 6 months to accomplish those goals for 2017. For some there are goals or things that we need to do this year and have allowed fear to hold us back. I know for me I conquered a fear this week and I felt awesome once I did. I will say that I didn’t conquer it alone. To be honest if it was left up to me I may have put it off for a little while longer, but thank God for friends who hold you accountable. I mean good friends who will stretch you and help you reach your fullest potential.

Growing up I always heard the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real when listening to someone talk about fear, but no matter how many times they said it was false evidence appearing real, it felt real and true to me. Sometimes it felt almost paralyzing. As I’ve grown older and gained more experiences I have come to realize the antidote for fear is action.

I know that may not necessarily be the remedy to fear that you were looking for, but that’s it. Action is the number one way to overcome your fear. Whatever that thing is that you need to get done(I don’t mean to sound insensitive but) just do it! The more you do the thing you fear it will get easier and easier each time. Before long it won’t be a fear anymore. So instead of surrendering to fear, call it’s bluff and take action. You’ll see once you’ve done the thing you’ve feared it won’t be as bad as you expected.

There are a couple more acronyms on fear that I heard recently and I think they can be very useful. When fear comes let’s not Forget Everything And Run instead we should Face Everything And Rise. Forgetting everything and running allows you to keep or pacify your fear but Face Everything And Rise causes you to shed that fear like an old layer of skin in order to enjoy the new weightless feeling of being rid of that fear.

So my challenge for you today is to do something this week that you have wanted or needed to do but always allowed fear to hold you back. You have it in you to step out and conquer that fear. I believe in you.

Remember You Are A Worthy Woman!!

Setting SMART Goals

In my previous post Worthy of More I mentioned the acronym SMART goals. I know some of you may have been thinking what is a SMART goal. Well let me explain. SMART stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Based.

Specific– When creating goals you always want to be as specific as possible. Be very clear about the goal at hand. If you ask for something in general what you receive will be general, so be specific. For example if you send someone to the store to get you a candy bar and they ask you what kind of candy bar, and you say just a candy bar & you receive a candy bar you don’t particularly care for you can’t be upset because you weren’t specific. If you send someone to the store and tell them go bring you back some purple washcloths then your chances of getting the washcloths that you asked for is very likely. So be specific when creating your goals.

Measurable-The goal must be measurable. This will help you in seeing the progression of your goal. Basically you will need to know if you are on track to achieving your goal. Depending on the goal there are various ways to measure your goal. If you are trying to lose weight a good way to measure is by the pounds or inches you lose in a particular amount of time. Maybe you are trying to get out of debt you can measure by how much debt is paid off in a specific amount of time. Which ever way you choose to measure, asking how questions are helpful. Questions such as how many, how much or how long?

Attainable-It must be achievable. For example to say you want to lost 50lbs in 3 months is not an attainable goal nor would it be healthy to attempt. A goal to lose 10lbs in 2 months seems more attainable. Choose goals that you have a chance to succeed in. When I say that I don’t mean choose easy goals but maybe the goal you desire may just take a bit longer but it’s still achievable. Like the example of losing 50 lbs, you can still set the goal to lose 50lbs just give yourself more time to do it in. Also in making sure it’s attainable consider the amount of time you would need available each day or week to move toward achieving the goal. Make sure you have the time available to make this goal happen and if you don’t right now look for gaps in your schedule where you may be able to make time for it.

Realistic– Of course when setting goals the object is to succeed, so setting goals that are realistic are key. It needs to be realistic as far as time, money and effort. If you know you only make $10/hour don’t set a goal to own a BMW in one year or get out of $20,000 in debt in 3 months. Be realistic as you can with your goals.

Time Based– When setting a goal, it needs to have a deadline. You need to realistically give yourself a time when you want to achieve the goal. Make sure when setting a deadline that you don’t give yourself too less or too much time to complete the goal. There are times when the deadline may come sooner because you may have been ahead on your tasks. There are also times when your deadline needs to be pushed back due to unexpected circumstances, but that’s ok. Just keep working toward the goal for the new deadline.

Having SMART goals is key to achieving your goals but there is also one more key component to achieving goals, and that’s writing them down. It has been said that when goals are written they are more likely to be achieved. When writing goals they should be written in present tense and they should include your deadline. For example: I have lost 30lbs by February 1, 2018 or I have completed my book by December 31, 2017.

I want you to know that the sky is the limit! Now let’s go set some goals to achieve!

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

Worthy of More

I was having a conversation with someone about something and I made a statement at that time I thought was true. Then a little later I started listening to a podcast and it made me realize that the statement I had made wasn’t true at all. I realized that all this time I felt like I was doing something for the benefit of a specific person, when all the while I was doing it out of fear.

After really reflecting I realized that not only do I need to make a change, but I am worthy of so much more. What is it in your life that you continue to put up with out of fear? What is it in your life that you know requires a change because you are worthy of so much more? Though the fear of the unknown can be scary I believe regret and stagnation will far outweigh that. So what are you going to do about it? In my case I know what I’m going to do about it, I’m going to move forward to make the change. What about you? What is it that you need to change? Is it your place of residence, your job, a relationship?  Regardless of what it is you have it in you to make the change.

So what are the steps for change you might ask. Here are the steps for change:

1. Decide – first step to change is to    decide. Decide what it is that you want and stick to your decision. I know sometimes for me I can make a decision to do something an before I know it I’ve talked myself out of it for whatever reason. If you are like me we have to learn to be confident in our decisions. Yes sometimes the decisions we make are difficult ones that may require us to step out of our comfort zone, but that definitely a good thing because as this quote that I came across states “You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone” -Roy T. Bennett

2. Create a plan- This is a key step as well. I mean once you decide you have to come up with the tasks that will be necessary to accomplish whatever you decided. Write down the tasks and break them into small goals that you can work toward daily to reach the overall goal. When creating these be sure to write them down and make sure they are SMART(Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time Based). I will talk more about this in a future post.

3. Get some accountability– I can not tell you enough about the importance of accountability. I’ve known for a while about accountability, but last year I really made it a priority. That’s the reason I was able to relaunch this blog and not talk myself out of it, by having people to truly hold me accountable. I don’t know what it is but it does something for you when you know someone is expecting you to accomplish something and will make sure you do it. It eliminates that habit of putting it off until “tomorrow”(which usually never comes if no one is holding you accountable). It forces you to get rid of the excuses and produce results. So be sure to get a reliable and trustworthy person to hold you accountable on what you have decided and making sure you reach your goals.

4. Stay laser focus– Focus almost seems like a skill these days with all the technology and social media outlets we have access to. When you make a decision to do something, as I have talked about in a previous post most of the time opposition will come to distract you. You must remain focused on the goal at hand. I remember I had a boss who it seemed like anytime she would make an important business or life decision she would face unbelievable opposition. If work related I would come to her with the different problems that we faced but it seemed that she was nonchalant about it many times. Well it was because she had recognized that opposition came every time she made a decision so she had to decide to be laser focused and work on the task at hand. Every time she did that she achieved her goals in the desired time frame and sometimes sooner. Though I know in life there are times when many things are going on around you that seems important, but you have to decide if you’re going to allow that distraction to get you off  focus or remain laser focused and achieve the goal you desire. Let me warn you sometimes you criticism for being laser focused but don’t worry, that’s just a distraction too. Keep looking straight ahead and you will have reached your goal before you know it.

You and I are worthy of so much more than what we have been settling for. You have it in you to make the decision and follow through on the decision to the end.

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

Say Yes to Success

“Success is determined by the things we say no to.” -Unknown

What have you been saying no to or should be saying no to? Saying no to distractions and saying no to what doesn’t line up with our goals. Which can sometimes mean saying no to your friends, family and yourself. So you set a goal to write a book and you planned to write daily from 5-6 a.m. and your kids ironically start waking up at the same time.  Do you just accept the fact that you aren’t going to be able to work on your writing when the kids wake up earlier? I say the answer to that is no. You may have to wake up at 4 instead of 5 or go to bed at 10 instead of 9 so you can get your writing done.  Basically making the adjustment to still get that small win each day, which in my opinion is a form of saying no to distractions. As we all know they will come to see if they can get you off your focus.  It’s as if a force comes to see how bad you want that goal. Are you going to allow it to stop you in your tracks or are you going to fight for what you want? Fighting may require gaining more focus, walking up earlier, going to bed later and oh yes, sometimes just simply saying no.

I know saying no can be difficult but think about it like this. When you say yes to something you should be saying no to what will it cost you? Will it cost you the time needed to getting your win for the day? If so is it worth the sacrifice of you not meeting your goal? I mean some things you just won’t be able to avoid and that’s fine but these avoidable situations shouldn’t be daily. If they are, you may need to step back and assess why that is. I remember a friend of mine telling a story about how a friend of hers would always call her on the same day every week needing a ride to pick her daughter up, but she wouldn’t tell her in advance she would call right when she needed to pick up her daughter. For a few weeks my friend would drop what she was working on and go take her friend to pick up her daughter, but when she realized the pattern she stopped. It was hard for her to leave her friend without a ride like that and say no, but her continuing to say yes was causing her to not get the things done that she needed to get done for the day. Basically she was saying yes to her friend’s so called emergency and saying no to the goals she was trying to accomplish for the day. She learned a valuable lesson during those weeks which was “don’t make someone else’s emergency your emergency”

If we are going to ever get to accomplish our goals we are going to have to be unapologetically focused. In doing so there will be times when you not only have to say no to your friends but to yourself as well. Telling yourself no to that chocolate cake if you know you’re trying to lose 20 pounds or no to lunch with the girls if all it will consist of is the latest gossip and talk of the latest T.V.  show.  Think about it if you say yes when you really should be saying no, something will suffer and success may be on the line. The way we become successful is by achieving small goals which will ultimately lead to the big goal. There may even be things that you are asked to do that you’d like to do but shouldn’t do. For example if your goal is to be a fashion photographer and you are mastering your craft in that area. It might not be a good idea to accept an offer that the local newspaper offered you doing landscaping photography. Though it may be good, it may not be good for you. Though it seems good these type of things come as a distraction, as well to again see how bad and how focused are you on reaching your goal.

So the next time you have to decide yes or no to something be sure, if you answer yes that the task lines up with your goal. As the quote I stated at the beginning of this post said ” Success is determined by the things we say no to.”  If a no is in order I know you have it in you to say it with confidence knowing that you just said yes to your goal and ultimately your success. Now go out there and succeed.

Remember You Are A Worthy Woman!