4 Ways Comparison Kills Confidence

With all the social media platforms that we have today, it can be hard to resist the desire to compare. But when I tell you comparison kills confidence please believe me. Just think about it, you’re scrolling through the social media of your choice and see a picture of someone seemingly happy or successful doing something you want to be doing or succeeding in. Then the thoughts begin to run through your mind of how you aren’t where they are or you wish you had ________________. Though it’s an easy trap to fall into it’s not worth the trouble. I would like to shed some light on 4 ways that comparison kills confidence. The four ways are:

1. Feeling of ungratefulness– When we compare we can easily become ungrateful for the things we do have. That’s the problem with looking at what others have and comparing it to what you have or don’t. Sometimes even if we have it good when we compare, we get the illusion that more is necessary to be grateful. If we aren’t grateful for what we have, how can we expect more. This made me think of a quote I recite often when I find myself complaining and ungrateful. The quote says “Complain and remain or praise and be raised”-Joyce Meyer.

2. Causes self doubt– When comparing ourselves to others it can cause self doubt. Doubting whether we’ll ever be good enough, smart enough or even pretty enough to be, do or have what those we are comparing ourselves to has. I’m here to tell you, yes you are enough! Many times it causes us to doubt the gifts and talents that were placed on the inside of us as well, because they haven’t gotten us where we want to be so far. I wonder how more patience, effort and hard work in cultivating our gifts, businesses or relationships would have a positive impact on this area in our lives.

3. Steals your joy– Comparison definitely can steal your joy. I mean how can you be joyful when you aren’t grateful. In my opinion a grateful heart is a joyful heart and when we sense ourselves losing our joy we should first check our gratitude levels.

4. Feelings of unworthiness– Though we should not be defined by what we do or have. Many times comparison causes feelings of unworthiness and sometimes shame. Feeling unworthy because of not being further along in life or even because of life’s setbacks, such as divorce or job loss. Those can be difficult places to be in, especially when you know people who seemingly have it all together. Comparing in my opinion only magnifies these feelings. I know when I first became a single mom I felt some shame, I think because life wasn’t going as I had planned. Also because I was comparing myself to other moms I knew whose marriages were great, but I realized that all that comparing wasn’t productive. So the task to not compare is still difficult at times but I know it’s worth it not to.

Whether comparison has or is causing you feelings of ungratefulness, self doubt, steals your joy or causes feelings of unworthiness or shame it just isn’t worth it. If we take a good look at how many posts on social media aren’t always showing an accurate view of people’s lives anyway,it would be much easier not to fall into the trap of comparison. We were all brought into this earth with all we’ll ever need on the inside of us. No matter where we are in life now or what setbacks we’ve had, we can dust ourselves off, appreciate what we do have and get back on the journey to succeed. I would suggest writing down your goals and what it is that you want, so that you can begin to focus on what it is that you really want instead of what others have. In my opinion when you are going after what you truly desire for your life and get focused on that, it will be so much less difficult to get out of and stay out of the comparison trap. You have what it takes to live your best life and create what success looks like for you. As always remember you are a Worthy Woman.

 

It’s Time To Use Your Gifts!

How would you feel if you gave your children, niece or nephew a gift to give someone and instead of giving the gift as you told them to, they kept it for themselves? I know if my son did that I would make sure that he would give the gift as I had instructed him to. Well sometimes that’s how it is with us. God has given us gifts and talents to be shared with the world but for whatever reason, whether lack of confidence, not wanting that to be your gift or just lack of ambition, we are still holding on to the gifts for ourselves.

The word gift itself implies that it is to be given away, but sometimes that can seem like such a hard thing to do, so we think. When we think of it in a different perspective I think it would change the way we look at it. The gift you have is unique to you, in that only you can use and administer your gift the way you do. If you’re a speaker there is no one on this earth that can speak like you, or maybe you are a writer but there is still no one on this earth that writes exactly like you. With that being said there are people out there waiting on you to bless them with your gift the way only you can, because receiving the gift from someone else just won’t have the same effect on their life as yours will. There are certain people on this earth that God assigned us to before we were ever born, but if we aren’t using our gifts how can we ever be led to those people?

Walking in the gifts that we have been given will bless more people than we will ever know, and it’s vital. I have seen this first hand this past week as the Breathe University family lost a dear brother and mentor, Chris Daniel. Chris was absolutely walking in his gift and he touched everyone within the Breathe University family and beyond, in some way with his 4 Animals assessment or just by genuinely walking in what God called him to do. To lose him has been so sad but to see that impact that he has had on the world in just 40 years is so amazing and motivating. He left a legacy and gave gifts to the world that will never be forgotten.

So let me ask you, what’s your gift and are you sharing it with the world?

If the answer to that question is no, and you aren’t using your gifts and sharing them with the world. Let me challenge you to begin to do so today. There are people waiting on you! As always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

You Need A Bucket List

As time passes, how can you remember what you want out of life if you never write it down?

As a blogger I am a big fan of writing things down. I love writing, but that isn’t the only reason I write it down. I also write things down because when you write things down they’re more apt to happen. I read this great book a while ago that went into great depths about the importance of writing things down. So in this post I want to tell you about a bucket list and how you can create yours.

So what is a bucket list? It’s a list of things you write down that you want to be, do or have in life. I have written numerous bucket lists, but it’s interesting that even when I make a new list some of the things that I wrote on the last one I still remember writing. It’s like when I write it down it gets etched into my memory in a sense. It’s something about putting that pen to paper that just causes the acceleration of your goals. There are a couple of ways that I have created bucket lists for myself. The first is super simple. I just grab a spiral notebook or a composition book and number a few pages until I get to 100. I don’t know why but my goal is always to write 100 things on my list. You can write as many or as little of a list you would like, but I encourage you to at least try to write down 50 things. I mean it’s your bucket list, a list of everything you have a desire to be, do or have sometime in your life based on the person you are today.

The second way I create bucket lists is in categories. I do it this way so that I can be sure that I am covering all bases. I want to dream in all areas of my life and this way helps me to accomplish that. The categories that I usually use are:

  • Health & Fitness
  • Financial
  • Family
  • Travel/Leisure
  • Social
  • Career

If there are more categories that you would like to add in your bucket list be my guest. I want you to dream to your heart’s content. For this method of creating a bucket list, I use the same kind of notebooks(spiral or composition). Instead of just writing anything down that I want, I write the category on the top of each page and I use the front a back to write down all of my dreams and goals by categories. When doing this task don’t hold back and don’t limit yourself to only things that you think are possible. A great way to think limitless in this exercise is to ask yourself “If money was not an object and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do, be and have in life”?

Take some time this week to sit down and dream, and write a bucket list of your own. You will be amazed at how writing those dreams and goals begin to set things in motion to be manifest in your life. Of course there will be some work involved but it will be well worth it. I will end the post with a quote that I feel fits this topic perfectly. “Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; cant’s into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it-ink it!” -Michael Korda

As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman.

Who Are You?

On the journey to becoming a confident woman one thing I’ve learned is that knowing who you are is important. If you don’t know who you are it’s hard to know where you’re going. Sometimes as women we can get so caught up in doing and being for everyone else we never really get to do for or know ourselves. When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to become who others expect you to be. Being who others expect you to be may last for a while, but eventually being who you were created to be becomes vital. The need to conform to others expectations is not so important, because being who you were called to be is far better.

Taking time to learn about your likes and dislikes, your personality type and just what you want out of life is vital in building confidence. This exercise isn’t a project to be completed in a weekend but rather it’s a journey. There are many questions to explore and desires to be discovered but what you find can be absolutely life giving. It’s so refreshing to take the journey of knowing who you are. It’s a time to try new things, explore curiosity and just have fun getting to know yourself. Last year I attended a conference with some friends and afterward we went out for dinner, and it wasn’t a restaurant I was used to eating at and the food was beyond what I was used to eating. So a friend suggested that I should try something new. I’ll have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I thought to myself how can I continue to learn my likes and dislikes if I don’t try new things. So I took the plunge, I tried frog legs! Yes, frog legs! They weren’t bad either, so that day I learned what frog legs tastes like and that I actually like them. I never would have known that had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, and tried something new. Over the past few years I have learned so many things about myself and it’s been exciting!

In discovering who you are, I have found another good way to learn this is by revisiting what you liked and disliked as a child. You know the child before life began to happen and you had no understanding that others had expectations of you. Ask yourself questions like:

Continue reading Who Are You?

The Power of a Promise

 

Have you ever made a promise to yourself but for whatever reason you didn’t keep it?

If so, don’t feel too bad you aren’t alone. I know that’s something that I am working on getting stronger at. This is an idea that if grasped and put into practice could really change your life. You see we make and go out of our way to keep promises for others but when it comes to keeping them for ourselves we don’t put in the same effort.

Think about it like this. When you were a kid or even now and someone promises you they are going to do something, and they always come up with an excuse as to why they aren’t able to keep their promise. After so many times of them breaking their promises you stop believing them. Well that’s kind of what we do to ourselves every time we make a promise to ourselves and don’t keep it.

It’s like this thing my son is always talking about in basketball called muscle memory. Which is essentially doing the same repetition over and over until you can do it by memory or it’s second nature. So every time we give an excuse and break a promise to ourselves we are in training. We are training our minds that excuses are ok. Don’t get me wrong I know we don’t intentionally break promises.  It’s because we don’t have time, are exhausted, over committed or just simply don’t feel like doing it. Just think of what would happen if you made your promises and kept them. How much would you accomplish and where would your life be. Would you have lost that weight, would you be debt free, would your business be up and running? What is it that your excuses and promise breaking have been keeping you from?

I know for me I would be so much farther along had I kept the promises I made to myself, but let’s not focus on the past and what we didn’t do. Let’s focus on the future and where we’re going to, and make a commitment to keep the promises we make going forward. The way we do that is by:

1. Making realistic promises– No I don’t mean making promises out of fear either, you know the ones you make because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you give your all, or those driven by those negative what if statements. I mean making heartfelt promises that are going to get you to being your best self.

2. Being committed to the promise– Be committed that you are going to keep the promise by all means. So that means being too tired, over committed or not feeling like it is out of the question. The way that I am learning to get over this is by doing the thing I promised first, if possible. If it’s a promise that requires a throughout the day commitment, maybe getting an accountability partner would be helpful. The way to tackle over commitment is to simply learn how to say no, or start using a calendar. For those who have a real problem saying no using that calendar will hopefully be an easier way to say no, because you can’t give something you don’t have. If your calendar is too full or the appointment time is already taken you just won’t be able to do it. As for not feeling like it, you’ll just have to get over it and do it anyway. Your feelings have nothing to do with this. Your feelings won’t get you to your goal but your consistent actions will.

3. Knowing the outcome of the promise– Knowing that keeping our promises are going to get us to an expected outcome in our lives is a great motivation. It’s the reward at the end of the journey, and on the days when it gets hard and you don’t see the end in sight. Remember why you started and keep going. Keeping the outcome before you as a reminder is also a good source of motivation. Keeping the promise may not be easy but it will be worth it. Not only will you gain your reward you gain the building of your integrity by learning to keep your word to yourself, and in my opinion that’s a reward in itself.

So what promise will you commit to making and keeping? You have it in you to succeed. Always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

 

What If…

 

What if, is a question that sometimes haunts our lives and keeps us from making progress, sometimes for years. You may have a dream or goal that you want to achieve but the paralysis of analysis or this famous phrase “what if” comes up . You think to yourself I want to go after this dream, I have what it takes to succeed, I can help so many people. Then the negative thoughts begin to set in and you question everything you just said. What if I don’t succeed at reaching my dream, what if no one is helped by my product or services, what if , what if, what if….

Let me ask you this, what if you do reach your dream? What if you do succeed, what if you have so many customers that you need to hire a staff? What if you are successful beyond your wildest dreams? What if….those are some awesome what if’s, aren’t they?. Those are the kind of what if’s that make you doubt those negative what if’s. You see, your will to succeed has to be stronger than the comfort of staying the same. Trust me I know that it’s easier said than done and when you have focused so much on what could go wrong it’s difficult to make the shift to what could go right. This has to be done with great intention and determination, because for some reason when you make a declaration that you are going after a goal or dream it seems that opposition comes to see how bad you want it and tries to get you to revert back to normal(the you that only thought about your dream but never pursued it.)

When the opposition comes, and it will don’t shrink back confront it head on and show it who you are. That fearless, determined and successful person you are. Go harder after your dream at this point, make that opposition and that negative what if your motivation to succeed. I find that talking to the chatter of the negative what if helps to bring me back to the positive what if. Affirmations can be powerful and life changing as our words have power. So the next time those negative what if’s come to give you a run for your money speak to them. Here are a few examples to get you started:

  • I have what it takes to succeed.
  • I am worthy of my dreams and goals
  • I deserve the best and I attract the best
  • I do what is necessary to succeed not what makes me comfortable
  • I help many people in the world by succeeding at my dreams

Keep these affirmations handy or create some of your own, but don’t allow the negative what if’s to overtake the positive what ifs. You have what it takes to succeed. Remember you are a Worthy Woman.

Not Just A

Years ago when my son was small I would go places and meet new people, and they would ask me “what do you do”? My famous answer was “I’m just a mom”. I guess I would give that answer because I didn’t feel that being only a mom was much. Of course after many years of being a mom my perspective has changed. I would hear other people say “I’m just a mom” and see by their tone & facial expression that some of them thought how I used to think. It’s funny how when you see someone else doing something you do or have done, you gain a new perspective. Now I know being a mom is one of the most important roles I will ever have, but it was a learning process. After learning the importance of this role I haven’t used those words in years, but I was in the store the other day and I heard a lady say a “I’m just a” statement and it sparked something in me.

She actually said “I’m just a weirdo” and I told her no you’re not a weirdo, you’re just being helpful. I saw the look on her face and could almost feel her shame or her agreeing with what others have said about or to her. Which brings me to my point. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, an attorney or even a sanitation worker the words “I’m just a” should not be in your vocabulary. Whatever it is that you do is important and so are you. You are not defined by your title, you have a place in this world and you matter. So the next time you use the word “I’m just a” correct yourself and say “I’m a”. When you use the phrase “I’m just a” it really down plays what proceeds those words. It makes it seems as though what you are isn’t important and that is far from the truth. Every title or position has a place of importance in the world to make it function. Just think what the world would be like if we didn’t have moms, workers in the restaurant or retail industry or even those who work in sanitation. The world would be unorganized, unruly, hungry and probably smelly.

I’m extremely thankful that we do all have our unique gifts, talents and purpose to contribute to the world to make it go round. Whatever it is that you are or do, do it with confidence, hold your head high and be proud of your contribution. For those who don’t appreciate or talk down on your contribution don’t allow their opinion to become your truth. Shake off their comments like water off the back of a duck and keep it moving. Don’t dwell on it or give it much thought or any thought for that matter. You are a success going somewhere to succeed, and if necessary look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of this everyday. It’s an exercise that can change your life because your words matter. As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman!

Perfection Not Required

“Don’t allow perfect to get in the way of done”-Glen Twiddle.

How many times have you started working on a project or getting dressed for an event that you set out for perfection?

Well for an introverted planning to do list having a girl like me, the answer is always. I mean who wants to do a task and it not be perfect and no woman definitely wants to leave the house for an event & she’s not dressed to perfection in her eyes. Well how many times has that perfection gotten in the way of doing the project at all? Dare I ask how many events you missed because perfection in your hair, clothes or makeup wasn’t possible? I mean what the point of perfection anyway. The way I look at it, if you’re always perfect it doesn’t leave much room for growth, not to mention the stress that’s caused by trying to make everything perfect.

Actually sometimes trying to create perfection causes procrastination. You know that paralysis of analysis. Trying so hard to make it perfect that nothing actually gets done. If anyone can relate to this I can, but I’m learning that as long as it’s the best that I can do, it’s ok. The more you practice a thing it gets better anyway. Mastery will come but in the meantime let’s focus on doing whatever it is you do the best you can do it. Not going after perfection but doing your best. I know you have it in you, because you are a worthy woman.

The Definition of a Worthy Woman

Several years ago when I first started this blog I was so gungho to make a difference in the lives of women around the world or at minimum in my state. Then I got this feeling of who am I to teach women about worth what do I know, so my blog post became more intermittent and then came to a screeching halt.

I let the thoughts of who wants to listen to me drown out the fact that someone needed what I had to offer. I had to regroup and remind myself that of what worthy is and I’d like to share it with you.

First let me say that worthy is not perfect. To be considered worthy you don’t have to know it all or have everything about you and your life figured out. Worth is not defined by marital status, financial status, educational status or even parental status. The definition of worthy according to the Webster dictionary is:

1 a : having worth or value :

2 : having sufficient worth or importance

Your worth is not defined by what others think or feel about you, but you are worthy simply because God made you. When he created you in your mother’s womb you were worthy. I mean think about it, God chose you to be fertilized and develop to be able to enter into this world. He created you for a plan and a purpose and no matter what you have been through and how you may feel, you are worthy.

You are worthy because you were bought with a price that is priceless. You are worthy because you are a daughter of a king. As I said a little earlier in the post you are worthy simply because God made you. So the next time when you feel inadequate or don’t feel you have sufficient worth remember you were chosen by God himself. Even in the times you feel unchosen by others God still chooses you, loves you and most importantly places great value upon you.

There may be times that no matter how often someone else says you’re worthy, you still don’t think you are. Let me challenge you by giving you an exercise to do daily that will transform those thoughts. I want you to stand up tall, look at yourself in the mirror and say with confidence and like you mean it:
I’m worthy because He made me. I’m chosen, I’m loved and I am a woman of great value. Like I said I’m worthy because He made me.

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

The Number One Way to Conquer Fear

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
-Dale Carnegie

It’s hard to believe we are in the second half of the year already. A little less than 6 months to accomplish those goals for 2017. For some there are goals or things that we need to do this year and have allowed fear to hold us back. I know for me I conquered a fear this week and I felt awesome once I did. I will say that I didn’t conquer it alone. To be honest if it was left up to me I may have put it off for a little while longer, but thank God for friends who hold you accountable. I mean good friends who will stretch you and help you reach your fullest potential.

Growing up I always heard the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real when listening to someone talk about fear, but no matter how many times they said it was false evidence appearing real, it felt real and true to me. Sometimes it felt almost paralyzing. As I’ve grown older and gained more experiences I have come to realize the antidote for fear is action.

I know that may not necessarily be the remedy to fear that you were looking for, but that’s it. Action is the number one way to overcome your fear. Whatever that thing is that you need to get done(I don’t mean to sound insensitive but) just do it! The more you do the thing you fear it will get easier and easier each time. Before long it won’t be a fear anymore. So instead of surrendering to fear, call it’s bluff and take action. You’ll see once you’ve done the thing you’ve feared it won’t be as bad as you expected.

There are a couple more acronyms on fear that I heard recently and I think they can be very useful. When fear comes let’s not Forget Everything And Run instead we should Face Everything And Rise. Forgetting everything and running allows you to keep or pacify your fear but Face Everything And Rise causes you to shed that fear like an old layer of skin in order to enjoy the new weightless feeling of being rid of that fear.

So my challenge for you today is to do something this week that you have wanted or needed to do but always allowed fear to hold you back. You have it in you to step out and conquer that fear. I believe in you.

Remember You Are A Worthy Woman!!