Author: Darnise Harper

The Storms of Life

There are many times in life when storms come into our lives to keep us from getting to a specific destination. It’s at those times that we must keep pressing toward what it is we’ve set out to accomplish. Once we reach that destination we will be glad we stayed determined to win the fight. This week I wanted to share with you a guest post that I wrote for Blogs by Christian Women where I go in depth regarding the storms of life. The article is titled:

WHAT IS THE STORM TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM?

I think it’s safe to say that we have all been through a storm or two in our lives. Storms that tried to break us and steal our faith. Over the last year or so I have been getting a recurrence of hearing different people talking about the storm that…… click here to read the article 

Take Care of Yourself Like You’d Take Care of Them

On a scale of 1-10 how well do you take care of those you love? Ok, well let me ask you this, On a scale from 1-10 how well do you take care of yourself?

When it comes to taking care of those we love we go to great lengths to do our best at it. Making sure they have everything they need, taking time with them, making sure they take as proper care of themselves as they can and so on. That’s awesome that we are able to do that for them but do you do that for yourself? As women we pour so much into the lives of others that many times we neglect to pour into ourselves.

For the past few months I have seen a recurring theme around the communities I am involved in and that theme in a nutshell is giving from the overflow. We first have to be filled before we can give of ourselves to others. To operate or give to others when you are on empty is extremely draining, yet so many of us are constantly operating this way. Let’s look at the age old example of the instructions given to passengers preparing to take a flight. The instruction is if the plane malfunctions and is possibly going to crash, you are to first put on your oxygen mask and then go help others. You see you can’t help someone else if you aren’t first breathing. The same goes for taking care of others. To be able to continuously take care of others properly you must first take care of you.

Taking care of you by getting the proper rest, having some quiet time alone to do what you enjoy, eating properly not just whatever you can whenever you remember. When I say this I am totaling speaking to myself as well. As a single mom I am guilty of this more often than I’d like to be, but I am working on my commitment to make a change in this area. When my son has an appointment or needs something I am Johnny on the spot to make sure he is there or that I am getting what he needs. When it’s an appointment for me or I need something I’m not so quick to do the same, but I know that in order to continue to take care of him properly I have to do exactly what I am telling you all to do. So I commit to being intentional on taking care of myself better and making me a priority and giving from the overflow. This includes taking quiet time for myself, doing some form of self care daily, and simply pouring into me with as much effort as I do into others.

For some reason as I finished that sentence, I thought about those who think this may be selfish, but actually not taking care of you is selfish. Because as I stated before when we don’t take care of ourselves we become depleted and worn out and it’s so difficult to give someone your very best, if you aren’t at your best. So the next time you think you are being selfish because you are doing something for you, don’t. Remind yourself that you are doing this to be unselfish. I know it will take some getting used to but it will be worth the change when we see in ourselves and perhaps our health positive progress. Just making small changes makes all the difference. Let me know all the success you have with giving from the overflow, I’ll be excited to hear from you.
As always remember, You are a Worthy Woman!

There’s Enough Room For Us All

When you’re in the grocery store and you’re walking down the bread aisle or even the pop isle isn’t it great to know you have options? I mean there are well over 50 brands of bread and as for soft drinks the list seems endless. Just as every brand of bread or pop doesn’t fit the preferences of each person the same goes for whatever gift you have or business you are running. Are you gifted or talented at something but the fact that someone else is doing the same thing make you hesitant to do what it is that you love?

I look at it like this, what if we only had one cell phone company to choose from or better yet one type of residence to live in no matter the size or desires of your family. That would make everyone’s life a bit cookie cutter. We have a buffet if you will of choices when it comes to living preferences and cell phone companies. There is different strokes for different folks, so why is it any difference in you using your gift. Let’s not keep the comparison trap from holding us back from using our gifts. There are millions of people on the planet and when God made one writer, speaker or seamstress he didn’t stop at just one. He made multiple to fit the different needs of the different consumers. The way you write, speak or sew, may be totally different than the way someone else in your field does it, and that’s ok. Don’t let that hinder you from moving, you keep using your gift and use it to the best of your ability, just the way you do it. I mean of course you should always be practicing your craft to get better at it, but keep your own style don’t try to be a duplicate of someone else and their business.

There is always room to get advice from others in your field and maybe even collaborate at times, but don’t for one minute think that you can’t move forward because someone else is in the same field that you are in. Just as a woman would like to have choices when it comes to the type of guy she chooses to spend the rest of her life with, the millions of consumers in the world likes options too. There is and will always be enough room for us all no matter what your field is. The next time you get a bit discouraged about making moves because there are many people in your field, take a look down the toilet paper, bread or soft drink aisle, and the plenty of choices you have to choose from and say to yourself “There is room for me”! As always remember You Are a Worthy Woman!

The Importance Of A Rest Day

Have you ever had those weeks where you are so busy that you can barely hear yourself think? I know I have more of those weeks than I care to admit. Then there are times when I seem to have clusters of those types of weeks at one time. Days where it seems that no rest is in sight. Though those types of weeks are ok periodically, if it’s out of the norm not to have them then it’s probably time to adjust some things. I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t take rest, your body will take one for you. When I say that I know it sounds cliché, but really your body will take it’s own rest if you don’t take rest on your own. Trust me I know.

This is really something that I am working on incorporating into my life, and if you don’t currently get rest often, I suggest you do the same. As women we need to really make self-care a priority. Resting is definitely a good form of self-care in my opinion. Not only resting our bodies but resting our minds. It’s so refreshing, and it’s like hitting the reset button. Take some time to just relax, watch a movie, go for a walk long walk and just enjoy the scenery. If none of those things are relaxing or restful to you, take your pick on what is relaxing and restful to you. Is it having a sit down dinner with your family, taking a long hot bubble bath or maybe even curling up with a journal and writing to your heart’s content. Whatever it is that relaxes you, do that and hit your own reset button.

So how does one begin to break the habit of extreme busyness? Well if you’re a busy body like me, this could be a hard task. I came up with a few different ideas that may help you and I, get into the new habit of taking some time to rest. The first idea is to choose a day of the week that works for you where you can clear your calendar and take some well deserved you time or family time(but if you take family time be sure the also get some you time as well). This doesn’t have to be a day where you do absolutely nothing, but my goal is to reserve the day to do what relaxes me. If it  feels like work, then my relax day is not the day that I’ll be doing it. When you are so used to being busy this may take some getting use to, but just do it anyway. The more relaxed and refreshed you feel after each time you do it, should you make want to keep this high on your priority list or even make it a non negotiable in your life.

If you aren’t able to take a full day to rest take then take a few hours. Block out some time and schedule this as an appointment on your calendar. Don’t schedule anything else during this time. Treat this appointment with yourself, as you would an important doctor’s appointment or a business meeting at work. Just as you would do everything you could not to cancel or reschedule those type of appointments, do the same with your rest appointment. Make it a priority!

For those who aren’t able to take a few hours because of your caregiver duties or whatever the case may be. I suggest that you take a minimum of 30 minutes everyday just for you. Some time to clear your mind and relax and do something that’s just for you. Since you are only able to take a little time each day, I really recommend that this time be non negotiable on your calendar. Making it non negotiable will allow you to make sure it’s done daily and gives you some sort of rejuvenation.

Taking time for ourselves is not selfish at all, I actually think taking me time is a selfless act. It not only allows you to reset, it’s also beneficial for those you care for or interact with often. I find that when we don’t get any kind of time for ourselves it can make us irritable and it is definitely draining. So even if a full day of rest isn’t possible take some time each day just for you, to get some rest. It’s not just for you but for those you love as well. As always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

It’s Time To Use Your Gifts!

How would you feel if you gave your children, niece or nephew a gift to give someone and instead of giving the gift as you told them to, they kept it for themselves? I know if my son did that I would make sure that he would give the gift as I had instructed him to. Well sometimes that’s how it is with us. God has given us gifts and talents to be shared with the world but for whatever reason, whether lack of confidence, not wanting that to be your gift or just lack of ambition, we are still holding on to the gifts for ourselves.

The word gift itself implies that it is to be given away, but sometimes that can seem like such a hard thing to do, so we think. When we think of it in a different perspective I think it would change the way we look at it. The gift you have is unique to you, in that only you can use and administer your gift the way you do. If you’re a speaker there is no one on this earth that can speak like you, or maybe you are a writer but there is still no one on this earth that writes exactly like you. With that being said there are people out there waiting on you to bless them with your gift the way only you can, because receiving the gift from someone else just won’t have the same effect on their life as yours will. There are certain people on this earth that God assigned us to before we were ever born, but if we aren’t using our gifts how can we ever be led to those people?

Walking in the gifts that we have been given will bless more people than we will ever know, and it’s vital. I have seen this first hand this past week as the Breathe University family lost a dear brother and mentor, Chris Daniel. Chris was absolutely walking in his gift and he touched everyone within the Breathe University family and beyond, in some way with his 4 Animals assessment or just by genuinely walking in what God called him to do. To lose him has been so sad but to see that impact that he has had on the world in just 40 years is so amazing and motivating. He left a legacy and gave gifts to the world that will never be forgotten.

So let me ask you, what’s your gift and are you sharing it with the world?

If the answer to that question is no, and you aren’t using your gifts and sharing them with the world. Let me challenge you to begin to do so today. There are people waiting on you! As always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

You Need A Bucket List

As time passes, how can you remember what you want out of life if you never write it down?

As a blogger I am a big fan of writing things down. I love writing, but that isn’t the only reason I write it down. I also write things down because when you write things down they’re more apt to happen. I read this great book a while ago that went into great depths about the importance of writing things down. So in this post I want to tell you about a bucket list and how you can create yours.

So what is a bucket list? It’s a list of things you write down that you want to be, do or have in life. I have written numerous bucket lists, but it’s interesting that even when I make a new list some of the things that I wrote on the last one I still remember writing. It’s like when I write it down it gets etched into my memory in a sense. It’s something about putting that pen to paper that just causes the acceleration of your goals. There are a couple of ways that I have created bucket lists for myself. The first is super simple. I just grab a spiral notebook or a composition book and number a few pages until I get to 100. I don’t know why but my goal is always to write 100 things on my list. You can write as many or as little of a list you would like, but I encourage you to at least try to write down 50 things. I mean it’s your bucket list, a list of everything you have a desire to be, do or have sometime in your life based on the person you are today.

The second way I create bucket lists is in categories. I do it this way so that I can be sure that I am covering all bases. I want to dream in all areas of my life and this way helps me to accomplish that. The categories that I usually use are:

  • Health & Fitness
  • Financial
  • Family
  • Travel/Leisure
  • Social
  • Career

If there are more categories that you would like to add in your bucket list be my guest. I want you to dream to your heart’s content. For this method of creating a bucket list, I use the same kind of notebooks(spiral or composition). Instead of just writing anything down that I want, I write the category on the top of each page and I use the front a back to write down all of my dreams and goals by categories. When doing this task don’t hold back and don’t limit yourself to only things that you think are possible. A great way to think limitless in this exercise is to ask yourself “If money was not an object and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do, be and have in life”?

Take some time this week to sit down and dream, and write a bucket list of your own. You will be amazed at how writing those dreams and goals begin to set things in motion to be manifest in your life. Of course there will be some work involved but it will be well worth it. I will end the post with a quote that I feel fits this topic perfectly. “Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; cant’s into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it-ink it!” -Michael Korda

As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman.

Who Are You?

On the journey to becoming a confident woman one thing I’ve learned is that knowing who you are is important. If you don’t know who you are it’s hard to know where you’re going. Sometimes as women we can get so caught up in doing and being for everyone else we never really get to do for or know ourselves. When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to become who others expect you to be. Being who others expect you to be may last for a while, but eventually being who you were created to be becomes vital. The need to conform to others expectations is not so important, because being who you were called to be is far better.

Taking time to learn about your likes and dislikes, your personality type and just what you want out of life is vital in building confidence. This exercise isn’t a project to be completed in a weekend but rather it’s a journey. There are many questions to explore and desires to be discovered but what you find can be absolutely life giving. It’s so refreshing to take the journey of knowing who you are. It’s a time to try new things, explore curiosity and just have fun getting to know yourself. Last year I attended a conference with some friends and afterward we went out for dinner, and it wasn’t a restaurant I was used to eating at and the food was beyond what I was used to eating. So a friend suggested that I should try something new. I’ll have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I thought to myself how can I continue to learn my likes and dislikes if I don’t try new things. So I took the plunge, I tried frog legs! Yes, frog legs! They weren’t bad either, so that day I learned what frog legs tastes like and that I actually like them. I never would have known that had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, and tried something new. Over the past few years I have learned so many things about myself and it’s been exciting!

In discovering who you are, I have found another good way to learn this is by revisiting what you liked and disliked as a child. You know the child before life began to happen and you had no understanding that others had expectations of you. Ask yourself questions like:

Continue reading Who Are You?

The Power of a Promise

 

Have you ever made a promise to yourself but for whatever reason you didn’t keep it?

If so, don’t feel too bad you aren’t alone. I know that’s something that I am working on getting stronger at. This is an idea that if grasped and put into practice could really change your life. You see we make and go out of our way to keep promises for others but when it comes to keeping them for ourselves we don’t put in the same effort.

Think about it like this. When you were a kid or even now and someone promises you they are going to do something, and they always come up with an excuse as to why they aren’t able to keep their promise. After so many times of them breaking their promises you stop believing them. Well that’s kind of what we do to ourselves every time we make a promise to ourselves and don’t keep it.

It’s like this thing my son is always talking about in basketball called muscle memory. Which is essentially doing the same repetition over and over until you can do it by memory or it’s second nature. So every time we give an excuse and break a promise to ourselves we are in training. We are training our minds that excuses are ok. Don’t get me wrong I know we don’t intentionally break promises.  It’s because we don’t have time, are exhausted, over committed or just simply don’t feel like doing it. Just think of what would happen if you made your promises and kept them. How much would you accomplish and where would your life be. Would you have lost that weight, would you be debt free, would your business be up and running? What is it that your excuses and promise breaking have been keeping you from?

I know for me I would be so much farther along had I kept the promises I made to myself, but let’s not focus on the past and what we didn’t do. Let’s focus on the future and where we’re going to, and make a commitment to keep the promises we make going forward. The way we do that is by:

1. Making realistic promises– No I don’t mean making promises out of fear either, you know the ones you make because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you give your all, or those driven by those negative what if statements. I mean making heartfelt promises that are going to get you to being your best self.

2. Being committed to the promise– Be committed that you are going to keep the promise by all means. So that means being too tired, over committed or not feeling like it is out of the question. The way that I am learning to get over this is by doing the thing I promised first, if possible. If it’s a promise that requires a throughout the day commitment, maybe getting an accountability partner would be helpful. The way to tackle over commitment is to simply learn how to say no, or start using a calendar. For those who have a real problem saying no using that calendar will hopefully be an easier way to say no, because you can’t give something you don’t have. If your calendar is too full or the appointment time is already taken you just won’t be able to do it. As for not feeling like it, you’ll just have to get over it and do it anyway. Your feelings have nothing to do with this. Your feelings won’t get you to your goal but your consistent actions will.

3. Knowing the outcome of the promise– Knowing that keeping our promises are going to get us to an expected outcome in our lives is a great motivation. It’s the reward at the end of the journey, and on the days when it gets hard and you don’t see the end in sight. Remember why you started and keep going. Keeping the outcome before you as a reminder is also a good source of motivation. Keeping the promise may not be easy but it will be worth it. Not only will you gain your reward you gain the building of your integrity by learning to keep your word to yourself, and in my opinion that’s a reward in itself.

So what promise will you commit to making and keeping? You have it in you to succeed. Always remember you are a Worthy Woman!

 

What If…

 

What if, is a question that sometimes haunts our lives and keeps us from making progress, sometimes for years. You may have a dream or goal that you want to achieve but the paralysis of analysis or this famous phrase “what if” comes up . You think to yourself I want to go after this dream, I have what it takes to succeed, I can help so many people. Then the negative thoughts begin to set in and you question everything you just said. What if I don’t succeed at reaching my dream, what if no one is helped by my product or services, what if , what if, what if….

Let me ask you this, what if you do reach your dream? What if you do succeed, what if you have so many customers that you need to hire a staff? What if you are successful beyond your wildest dreams? What if….those are some awesome what if’s, aren’t they?. Those are the kind of what if’s that make you doubt those negative what if’s. You see, your will to succeed has to be stronger than the comfort of staying the same. Trust me I know that it’s easier said than done and when you have focused so much on what could go wrong it’s difficult to make the shift to what could go right. This has to be done with great intention and determination, because for some reason when you make a declaration that you are going after a goal or dream it seems that opposition comes to see how bad you want it and tries to get you to revert back to normal(the you that only thought about your dream but never pursued it.)

When the opposition comes, and it will don’t shrink back confront it head on and show it who you are. That fearless, determined and successful person you are. Go harder after your dream at this point, make that opposition and that negative what if your motivation to succeed. I find that talking to the chatter of the negative what if helps to bring me back to the positive what if. Affirmations can be powerful and life changing as our words have power. So the next time those negative what if’s come to give you a run for your money speak to them. Here are a few examples to get you started:

  • I have what it takes to succeed.
  • I am worthy of my dreams and goals
  • I deserve the best and I attract the best
  • I do what is necessary to succeed not what makes me comfortable
  • I help many people in the world by succeeding at my dreams

Keep these affirmations handy or create some of your own, but don’t allow the negative what if’s to overtake the positive what ifs. You have what it takes to succeed. Remember you are a Worthy Woman.

Not Just A

Years ago when my son was small I would go places and meet new people, and they would ask me “what do you do”? My famous answer was “I’m just a mom”. I guess I would give that answer because I didn’t feel that being only a mom was much. Of course after many years of being a mom my perspective has changed. I would hear other people say “I’m just a mom” and see by their tone & facial expression that some of them thought how I used to think. It’s funny how when you see someone else doing something you do or have done, you gain a new perspective. Now I know being a mom is one of the most important roles I will ever have, but it was a learning process. After learning the importance of this role I haven’t used those words in years, but I was in the store the other day and I heard a lady say a “I’m just a” statement and it sparked something in me.

She actually said “I’m just a weirdo” and I told her no you’re not a weirdo, you’re just being helpful. I saw the look on her face and could almost feel her shame or her agreeing with what others have said about or to her. Which brings me to my point. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, an attorney or even a sanitation worker the words “I’m just a” should not be in your vocabulary. Whatever it is that you do is important and so are you. You are not defined by your title, you have a place in this world and you matter. So the next time you use the word “I’m just a” correct yourself and say “I’m a”. When you use the phrase “I’m just a” it really down plays what proceeds those words. It makes it seems as though what you are isn’t important and that is far from the truth. Every title or position has a place of importance in the world to make it function. Just think what the world would be like if we didn’t have moms, workers in the restaurant or retail industry or even those who work in sanitation. The world would be unorganized, unruly, hungry and probably smelly.

I’m extremely thankful that we do all have our unique gifts, talents and purpose to contribute to the world to make it go round. Whatever it is that you are or do, do it with confidence, hold your head high and be proud of your contribution. For those who don’t appreciate or talk down on your contribution don’t allow their opinion to become your truth. Shake off their comments like water off the back of a duck and keep it moving. Don’t dwell on it or give it much thought or any thought for that matter. You are a success going somewhere to succeed, and if necessary look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of this everyday. It’s an exercise that can change your life because your words matter. As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman!