Not Just A

Years ago when my son was small I would go places and meet new people, and they would ask me “what do you do”? My famous answer was “I’m just a mom”. I guess I would give that answer because I didn’t feel that being only a mom was much. Of course after many years of being a mom my perspective has changed. I would hear other people say “I’m just a mom” and see by their tone & facial expression that some of them thought how I used to think. It’s funny how when you see someone else doing something you do or have done, you gain a new perspective. Now I know being a mom is one of the most important roles I will ever have, but it was a learning process. After learning the importance of this role I haven’t used those words in years, but I was in the store the other day and I heard a lady say a “I’m just a” statement and it sparked something in me.

She actually said “I’m just a weirdo” and I told her no you’re not a weirdo, you’re just being helpful. I saw the look on her face and could almost feel her shame or her agreeing with what others have said about or to her. Which brings me to my point. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, an attorney or even a sanitation worker the words “I’m just a” should not be in your vocabulary. Whatever it is that you do is important and so are you. You are not defined by your title, you have a place in this world and you matter. So the next time you use the word “I’m just a” correct yourself and say “I’m a”. When you use the phrase “I’m just a” it really down plays what proceeds those words. It makes it seems as though what you are isn’t important and that is far from the truth. Every title or position has a place of importance in the world to make it function. Just think what the world would be like if we didn’t have moms, workers in the restaurant or retail industry or even those who work in sanitation. The world would be unorganized, unruly, hungry and probably smelly.

I’m extremely thankful that we do all have our unique gifts, talents and purpose to contribute to the world to make it go round. Whatever it is that you are or do, do it with confidence, hold your head high and be proud of your contribution. For those who don’t appreciate or talk down on your contribution don’t allow their opinion to become your truth. Shake off their comments like water off the back of a duck and keep it moving. Don’t dwell on it or give it much thought or any thought for that matter. You are a success going somewhere to succeed, and if necessary look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of this everyday. It’s an exercise that can change your life because your words matter. As always remember, you are a Worthy Woman!

Perfection Not Required

“Don’t allow perfect to get in the way of done”-Glen Twiddle.

How many times have you started working on a project or getting dressed for an event that you set out for perfection?

Well for an introverted planning to do list having a girl like me, the answer is always. I mean who wants to do a task and it not be perfect and no woman definitely wants to leave the house for an event & she’s not dressed to perfection in her eyes. Well how many times has that perfection gotten in the way of doing the project at all? Dare I ask how many events you missed because perfection in your hair, clothes or makeup wasn’t possible? I mean what the point of perfection anyway. The way I look at it, if you’re always perfect it doesn’t leave much room for growth, not to mention the stress that’s caused by trying to make everything perfect.

Actually sometimes trying to create perfection causes procrastination. You know that paralysis of analysis. Trying so hard to make it perfect that nothing actually gets done. If anyone can relate to this I can, but I’m learning that as long as it’s the best that I can do, it’s ok. The more you practice a thing it gets better anyway. Mastery will come but in the meantime let’s focus on doing whatever it is you do the best you can do it. Not going after perfection but doing your best. I know you have it in you, because you are a worthy woman.

The Definition of a Worthy Woman

Several years ago when I first started this blog I was so gungho to make a difference in the lives of women around the world or at minimum in my state. Then I got this feeling of who am I to teach women about worth what do I know, so my blog post became more intermittent and then came to a screeching halt.

I let the thoughts of who wants to listen to me drown out the fact that someone needed what I had to offer. I had to regroup and remind myself that of what worthy is and I’d like to share it with you.

First let me say that worthy is not perfect. To be considered worthy you don’t have to know it all or have everything about you and your life figured out. Worth is not defined by marital status, financial status, educational status or even parental status. The definition of worthy according to the Webster dictionary is:

1 a : having worth or value :

2 : having sufficient worth or importance

Your worth is not defined by what others think or feel about you, but you are worthy simply because God made you. When he created you in your mother’s womb you were worthy. I mean think about it, God chose you to be fertilized and develop to be able to enter into this world. He created you for a plan and a purpose and no matter what you have been through and how you may feel, you are worthy.

You are worthy because you were bought with a price that is priceless. You are worthy because you are a daughter of a king. As I said a little earlier in the post you are worthy simply because God made you. So the next time when you feel inadequate or don’t feel you have sufficient worth remember you were chosen by God himself. Even in the times you feel unchosen by others God still chooses you, loves you and most importantly places great value upon you.

There may be times that no matter how often someone else says you’re worthy, you still don’t think you are. Let me challenge you by giving you an exercise to do daily that will transform those thoughts. I want you to stand up tall, look at yourself in the mirror and say with confidence and like you mean it:
I’m worthy because He made me. I’m chosen, I’m loved and I am a woman of great value. Like I said I’m worthy because He made me.

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

The Number One Way to Conquer Fear

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
-Dale Carnegie

It’s hard to believe we are in the second half of the year already. A little less than 6 months to accomplish those goals for 2017. For some there are goals or things that we need to do this year and have allowed fear to hold us back. I know for me I conquered a fear this week and I felt awesome once I did. I will say that I didn’t conquer it alone. To be honest if it was left up to me I may have put it off for a little while longer, but thank God for friends who hold you accountable. I mean good friends who will stretch you and help you reach your fullest potential.

Growing up I always heard the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real when listening to someone talk about fear, but no matter how many times they said it was false evidence appearing real, it felt real and true to me. Sometimes it felt almost paralyzing. As I’ve grown older and gained more experiences I have come to realize the antidote for fear is action.

I know that may not necessarily be the remedy to fear that you were looking for, but that’s it. Action is the number one way to overcome your fear. Whatever that thing is that you need to get done(I don’t mean to sound insensitive but) just do it! The more you do the thing you fear it will get easier and easier each time. Before long it won’t be a fear anymore. So instead of surrendering to fear, call it’s bluff and take action. You’ll see once you’ve done the thing you’ve feared it won’t be as bad as you expected.

There are a couple more acronyms on fear that I heard recently and I think they can be very useful. When fear comes let’s not Forget Everything And Run instead we should Face Everything And Rise. Forgetting everything and running allows you to keep or pacify your fear but Face Everything And Rise causes you to shed that fear like an old layer of skin in order to enjoy the new weightless feeling of being rid of that fear.

So my challenge for you today is to do something this week that you have wanted or needed to do but always allowed fear to hold you back. You have it in you to step out and conquer that fear. I believe in you.

Remember You Are A Worthy Woman!!

Setting SMART Goals

In my previous post Worthy of More I mentioned the acronym SMART goals. I know some of you may have been thinking what is a SMART goal. Well let me explain. SMART stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Based.

Specific– When creating goals you always want to be as specific as possible. Be very clear about the goal at hand. If you ask for something in general what you receive will be general, so be specific. For example if you send someone to the store to get you a candy bar and they ask you what kind of candy bar, and you say just a candy bar & you receive a candy bar you don’t particularly care for you can’t be upset because you weren’t specific. If you send someone to the store and tell them go bring you back some purple washcloths then your chances of getting the washcloths that you asked for is very likely. So be specific when creating your goals.

Measurable-The goal must be measurable. This will help you in seeing the progression of your goal. Basically you will need to know if you are on track to achieving your goal. Depending on the goal there are various ways to measure your goal. If you are trying to lose weight a good way to measure is by the pounds or inches you lose in a particular amount of time. Maybe you are trying to get out of debt you can measure by how much debt is paid off in a specific amount of time. Which ever way you choose to measure, asking how questions are helpful. Questions such as how many, how much or how long?

Attainable-It must be achievable. For example to say you want to lost 50lbs in 3 months is not an attainable goal nor would it be healthy to attempt. A goal to lose 10lbs in 2 months seems more attainable. Choose goals that you have a chance to succeed in. When I say that I don’t mean choose easy goals but maybe the goal you desire may just take a bit longer but it’s still achievable. Like the example of losing 50 lbs, you can still set the goal to lose 50lbs just give yourself more time to do it in. Also in making sure it’s attainable consider the amount of time you would need available each day or week to move toward achieving the goal. Make sure you have the time available to make this goal happen and if you don’t right now look for gaps in your schedule where you may be able to make time for it.

Realistic– Of course when setting goals the object is to succeed, so setting goals that are realistic are key. It needs to be realistic as far as time, money and effort. If you know you only make $10/hour don’t set a goal to own a BMW in one year or get out of $20,000 in debt in 3 months. Be realistic as you can with your goals.

Time Based– When setting a goal, it needs to have a deadline. You need to realistically give yourself a time when you want to achieve the goal. Make sure when setting a deadline that you don’t give yourself too less or too much time to complete the goal. There are times when the deadline may come sooner because you may have been ahead on your tasks. There are also times when your deadline needs to be pushed back due to unexpected circumstances, but that’s ok. Just keep working toward the goal for the new deadline.

Having SMART goals is key to achieving your goals but there is also one more key component to achieving goals, and that’s writing them down. It has been said that when goals are written they are more likely to be achieved. When writing goals they should be written in present tense and they should include your deadline. For example: I have lost 30lbs by February 1, 2018 or I have completed my book by December 31, 2017.

I want you to know that the sky is the limit! Now let’s go set some goals to achieve!

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

Worthy of More

I was having a conversation with someone about something and I made a statement at that time I thought was true. Then a little later I started listening to a podcast and it made me realize that the statement I had made wasn’t true at all. I realized that all this time I felt like I was doing something for the benefit of a specific person, when all the while I was doing it out of fear.

After really reflecting I realized that not only do I need to make a change, but I am worthy of so much more. What is it in your life that you continue to put up with out of fear? What is it in your life that you know requires a change because you are worthy of so much more? Though the fear of the unknown can be scary I believe regret and stagnation will far outweigh that. So what are you going to do about it? In my case I know what I’m going to do about it, I’m going to move forward to make the change. What about you? What is it that you need to change? Is it your place of residence, your job, a relationship?  Regardless of what it is you have it in you to make the change.

So what are the steps for change you might ask. Here are the steps for change:

1. Decide – first step to change is to    decide. Decide what it is that you want and stick to your decision. I know sometimes for me I can make a decision to do something an before I know it I’ve talked myself out of it for whatever reason. If you are like me we have to learn to be confident in our decisions. Yes sometimes the decisions we make are difficult ones that may require us to step out of our comfort zone, but that definitely a good thing because as this quote that I came across states “You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone” -Roy T. Bennett

2. Create a plan- This is a key step as well. I mean once you decide you have to come up with the tasks that will be necessary to accomplish whatever you decided. Write down the tasks and break them into small goals that you can work toward daily to reach the overall goal. When creating these be sure to write them down and make sure they are SMART(Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time Based). I will talk more about this in a future post.

3. Get some accountability– I can not tell you enough about the importance of accountability. I’ve known for a while about accountability, but last year I really made it a priority. That’s the reason I was able to relaunch this blog and not talk myself out of it, by having people to truly hold me accountable. I don’t know what it is but it does something for you when you know someone is expecting you to accomplish something and will make sure you do it. It eliminates that habit of putting it off until “tomorrow”(which usually never comes if no one is holding you accountable). It forces you to get rid of the excuses and produce results. So be sure to get a reliable and trustworthy person to hold you accountable on what you have decided and making sure you reach your goals.

4. Stay laser focus– Focus almost seems like a skill these days with all the technology and social media outlets we have access to. When you make a decision to do something, as I have talked about in a previous post most of the time opposition will come to distract you. You must remain focused on the goal at hand. I remember I had a boss who it seemed like anytime she would make an important business or life decision she would face unbelievable opposition. If work related I would come to her with the different problems that we faced but it seemed that she was nonchalant about it many times. Well it was because she had recognized that opposition came every time she made a decision so she had to decide to be laser focused and work on the task at hand. Every time she did that she achieved her goals in the desired time frame and sometimes sooner. Though I know in life there are times when many things are going on around you that seems important, but you have to decide if you’re going to allow that distraction to get you off  focus or remain laser focused and achieve the goal you desire. Let me warn you sometimes you criticism for being laser focused but don’t worry, that’s just a distraction too. Keep looking straight ahead and you will have reached your goal before you know it.

You and I are worthy of so much more than what we have been settling for. You have it in you to make the decision and follow through on the decision to the end.

Remember you are a Worthy Woman!

Say Yes to Success

“Success is determined by the things we say no to.” -Unknown

What have you been saying no to or should be saying no to? Saying no to distractions and saying no to what doesn’t line up with our goals. Which can sometimes mean saying no to your friends, family and yourself. So you set a goal to write a book and you planned to write daily from 5-6 a.m. and your kids ironically start waking up at the same time.  Do you just accept the fact that you aren’t going to be able to work on your writing when the kids wake up earlier? I say the answer to that is no. You may have to wake up at 4 instead of 5 or go to bed at 10 instead of 9 so you can get your writing done.  Basically making the adjustment to still get that small win each day, which in my opinion is a form of saying no to distractions. As we all know they will come to see if they can get you off your focus.  It’s as if a force comes to see how bad you want that goal. Are you going to allow it to stop you in your tracks or are you going to fight for what you want? Fighting may require gaining more focus, walking up earlier, going to bed later and oh yes, sometimes just simply saying no.

I know saying no can be difficult but think about it like this. When you say yes to something you should be saying no to what will it cost you? Will it cost you the time needed to getting your win for the day? If so is it worth the sacrifice of you not meeting your goal? I mean some things you just won’t be able to avoid and that’s fine but these avoidable situations shouldn’t be daily. If they are, you may need to step back and assess why that is. I remember a friend of mine telling a story about how a friend of hers would always call her on the same day every week needing a ride to pick her daughter up, but she wouldn’t tell her in advance she would call right when she needed to pick up her daughter. For a few weeks my friend would drop what she was working on and go take her friend to pick up her daughter, but when she realized the pattern she stopped. It was hard for her to leave her friend without a ride like that and say no, but her continuing to say yes was causing her to not get the things done that she needed to get done for the day. Basically she was saying yes to her friend’s so called emergency and saying no to the goals she was trying to accomplish for the day. She learned a valuable lesson during those weeks which was “don’t make someone else’s emergency your emergency”

If we are going to ever get to accomplish our goals we are going to have to be unapologetically focused. In doing so there will be times when you not only have to say no to your friends but to yourself as well. Telling yourself no to that chocolate cake if you know you’re trying to lose 20 pounds or no to lunch with the girls if all it will consist of is the latest gossip and talk of the latest T.V.  show.  Think about it if you say yes when you really should be saying no, something will suffer and success may be on the line. The way we become successful is by achieving small goals which will ultimately lead to the big goal. There may even be things that you are asked to do that you’d like to do but shouldn’t do. For example if your goal is to be a fashion photographer and you are mastering your craft in that area. It might not be a good idea to accept an offer that the local newspaper offered you doing landscaping photography. Though it may be good, it may not be good for you. Though it seems good these type of things come as a distraction, as well to again see how bad and how focused are you on reaching your goal.

So the next time you have to decide yes or no to something be sure, if you answer yes that the task lines up with your goal. As the quote I stated at the beginning of this post said ” Success is determined by the things we say no to.”  If a no is in order I know you have it in you to say it with confidence knowing that you just said yes to your goal and ultimately your success. Now go out there and succeed.

Remember You Are A Worthy Woman!

No Permission Needed

You don’t need permission to be great!!

Everything that you will ever need to be great is already on the inside of you. You were born with it, so there is no need to ask for permission to be great. I was either watching a Facebook video or listening to a podcast and the person was talking about greatness and how some people are holding on to their greatness because no one has given them permission. I never really gave much thought to that concept until now. I mean as children we are required to ask permission to do just about everything, and as adults permission is required for certain things as well, but stepping into your greatness should not be one of them. You were born to be great!

God has given you the gifts and talents you need to be great, so go be great. He granted you permission the day you were born. He created you with unique gifts and talents unlike anyone else who will execute greatness as only you could do. So if you have been that person waiting for someone to allow you to or give you permission to be great, the day has come for you to stop waiting and step into your greatness. When I say step into your greatness, I don’t mean go do what so and so is doing I mean do what you were uniquely designed to do. Be the designers original that he created you to be. While you have been waiting for someone to give you permission there are people out here waiting to hear, see or experience your gifts of greatness.

So if you are a writer, go write and be great. If you are a singer go sing and be great. If are an artist, go create and be great. If you are baker, go bake and be great. Whatever gifts talents and abilities that God put within you, use them and go be great. Of course with anything it will take practice, even with gifts and talents. The more you use that gift and practice your craft the more you master it, but if you continue holding on to the gift just knowing that you have it but never cultivating it to make it better you’ll never see the full potential. It’s like receiving a present but never opening it, if you don’t open it you will never know what’s inside and you’ll never be able to enjoy it. So let’s not keep our gifts and greatness on the shelf just for show, let’s get out there and demonstrate the greatness God has put on the inside of us. You don’t need permission to be great!!

Remember, You Are A Worthy Woman!!

It’s Not Too Late!

Scrolling through my Facebook timeline, listening to podcasts and especially at various stores, it’s quite evident that graduation season is here.

A time of new beginnings and bright futures for many. For others this time of the year may be a sad reminder of what wasn’t accomplished in their lives. Though education is important it’s not what gives  meaning and definition to your life. I have encountered many people who think that their education is the end all be all of their lives, and the fact that they don’t have the education that they desired or college wasn’t a good fit for them  they think they are stuck at the bottom.

Well if that is you and you feel that way, I am here to tell you that you are not stuck at the bottom and your future can be as bright as the person who just graduated with their degree. With hard work, perseverance and determination you can succeed too. There have been many people who have gone on to be successful who didn’t finish or go to college. People like Bill Gates who is one of the wealthiest men in the world, John Mackey who is the co-founder and co-owner of Whole Foods, Maya Angelou a Grammy award winning poet and author, Mark Zuckerberg who is the founder of Facebook, and last but definitely not least Oprah Winfrey, so you’re in good company.

Whether you are seeking a better job or are seeking to become a successful entrepreneur, it’s possible. Use the skills you have and if you don’t have the skills you need, learn them. In this day and age there are so many ways to learn the skills you need. You can learn them through books, networking and being mentored by someone who is already successful in the skill, surrounding yourself with hard working like minded people and one of my favorites YouTube videos.

So for those of you who  didn’t finish college and feel like college isn’t for you, get to work learning the skills you need to be successful.  For those of you who didn’t finish college and have a desire to go back but just haven’t yet, take the necessary steps and go get that college education you desire. You can do it, you have it in you to succeed. Hey you may even be one who not only didn’t finish or go to college but you may not have even finished high school. Even if that’s the case, there’s hope for you too, you can take the necessary steps to get your diploma or GED. Regardless of which of these situations you are in, as one of my favorite quotes state “It’s never too late to be what you could have been”. If you want it go for it!!

Remember You Are a Worthy Woman!!

Ever have a ton of things that you need to get done and realistically it’s not possible, but your ambition causes you to try to get it all done anyway?

Well that was me this past weekend. I had a list of things that needed to be done and realistically I knew I couldn’t get them all done. But I was trying to be Ms. 120(those who follow Dr. Eric Thomas can relate)  and it didn’t work out. I mean it seemed like the harder I tried the less I got done. Even though I was doing one thing, my mind was already at the next thing I was supposed to be doing, and that was a disaster.

I heard a saying on a podcast that explained my experience very well. Christy Wright of Ramsey solutions said that us women are often “trying to catch a tidal wave with a tea-cup”. That was a profound statement for me.  It was a great reminder that everything can’t be a priority. As women with so many things on our plate and on our to do lists we have to learn to plan our days realistically. I know you want to get it all done but let’s face it, the more we take on more than we can handle on our plate the more frustrating it can be. I mean you have a full-time job, you’re a mom who taxis your children to their activities and then when you get home you expect to get A, B and C done.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying don’t give everything you do your all, but you can’t do it all and give it your everything . You have to make a realistic decision of the things that you can accomplish in a day. For example if you are at work for 8 hours and you commute for 1 hour to and from work and sleep for 8 hours, that only leaves 6 hours left to do what you need to do. So you can’t squeeze 9 hours worth of activities in 6 hours.  Sometimes you can create certain processes to help you be more efficient in your activities but for the most part figure out how long the tasks takes and give yourself that much time to get it done.

So choose the top priorities for the day(remember you can only do what fits in the amount of time you have available)  Just like you can’t write a check for something if you don’t have the money in your account you can’t use time that you don’t have available. As I said before everything can’t be a priority. Incorporate those priorities into your schedule and make it happen!

You can do this! You Are  A Worthy Women!